get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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