there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
