Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
