i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
