I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
