Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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