there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
