My friends, they love my intelligence
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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