he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have fence marks all over my body
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
