Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
