Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
