tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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