I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
