IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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