So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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