This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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