dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
