Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just high enough for therapy.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
