Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
