I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
