I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
