SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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