My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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