Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I would ride that face into the sunset
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
