it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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