The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
