no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
