I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
