an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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