if i died would you start the facebook group?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
