Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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