I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Drake has all the answers
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
