I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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