Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
