I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
