first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
tell your sister to shave her snatch
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
