so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
