I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
