Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the condom got lost in my hair
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
