I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
