No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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