I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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