At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
is wine microwaveable?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
