i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
