Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
