So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
