...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
