omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
