Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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