Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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