The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
