it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
