Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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