Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
