True but thats because hes a fetus.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
